I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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