I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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