I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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