dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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