i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
