Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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