I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
