She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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