I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
