Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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