Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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