Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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