Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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