my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
