apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
