I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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