i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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