we're making bets on your personal life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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