so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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