One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
