Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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