put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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