I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My balls are so social today.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
