the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
