Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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