Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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