meet me or not, i'm out of control
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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