We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
