we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
