So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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