that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
