Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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