No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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