Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize