Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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