Screwed.edu
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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