I wish my penis had an off switch
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
