A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
