Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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