Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
operation harelip BJ is a go
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
