Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
