and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
