It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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