There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
