I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
