I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
