OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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