She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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