Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
