My first STD was from a foam party
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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